A man covered in fur...
Resilience. It is as if the word didn't ask much of anyone but it requires such a level of commitment towards something. Living can be an act of resilience, standing for what's right too. My grandmother is reaching almost 100 years old. Until a few months ago, she was only aided by day help, and methodically threw canes or hearing aids when we brought them for her to try them out. She believed those things were for old people, and believe me, her mind is as sound as they come.
The persistence of her autonomy has brought her so far, as far as anyone her age could. Until, her fall a week ago. A fall that was not hard but it kept her on the floor until she was aided. A fall that somehow cracked her spirit (although she's fine medically speaking) but hasn't broke her down, yet.
She is sad about loosing her mobility. She is sad her legs and waist hurt all the time or most of the time. She is embarassed to be naked, so small and tiny, a few dishivelled strands of hair showing the whitness of her skull. Her paperlike skin, shredding and bruising easily, a purplish bump on her shin can be spotted as she crosses her leg from time to time.
Yesterday night I was so scared for her, and for a minute, I was scared for the actions I was about to take next. I heard her scream and jumped from one room to hers, she was wailing and speaking, the only way one can talk on a nightmare but at first it wasn't clear if she was aching or acting out from her bad dream. For that whole minute I went towards her bed as I tried to understand what was happening but she was hitting someone or moving somebody away from her body, actions that didn't quite help as I was sitting right in front of her. I gradually was able to wake her up and calm her down until she looked at me, trying to remember what was I doing there in the first place.
Today, I was rubbing her back as we sat on the bed. Somehow, her short height against mine, and my arm on her back, brought her closer to me. She slowly, very carefully, ended up crying in the same way, any of my nieces or nephew would. "This is a disgrace", she said, "a body becoming so old".
After giving her a shower, (a feat easier said than done) she thanked me. I tried to make her laugh a bit by telling her a shower, not an apple a day is what takes doctors away. She looked confused but smiled. She felt so grateful and I felt so sad for her being so grateful after a shower.
As I was leaving, she asked me about the her nightmare she suddenly seemed to remember faintly. She asked me what was she doing as she was screaming, I described what I saw and she finally told me, "there was a man with a huge head and large hands, he was all covered in fur, I don't know if he was a wolf or a dog person, but he was over me, trying to do something to me. I was trying to push him away".
We laughed a bit, sat in silence and after a while she laughed again, "What a dream", a man covered in fur", then giggled.
The persistence of her autonomy has brought her so far, as far as anyone her age could. Until, her fall a week ago. A fall that was not hard but it kept her on the floor until she was aided. A fall that somehow cracked her spirit (although she's fine medically speaking) but hasn't broke her down, yet.
She is sad about loosing her mobility. She is sad her legs and waist hurt all the time or most of the time. She is embarassed to be naked, so small and tiny, a few dishivelled strands of hair showing the whitness of her skull. Her paperlike skin, shredding and bruising easily, a purplish bump on her shin can be spotted as she crosses her leg from time to time.
Yesterday night I was so scared for her, and for a minute, I was scared for the actions I was about to take next. I heard her scream and jumped from one room to hers, she was wailing and speaking, the only way one can talk on a nightmare but at first it wasn't clear if she was aching or acting out from her bad dream. For that whole minute I went towards her bed as I tried to understand what was happening but she was hitting someone or moving somebody away from her body, actions that didn't quite help as I was sitting right in front of her. I gradually was able to wake her up and calm her down until she looked at me, trying to remember what was I doing there in the first place.
Today, I was rubbing her back as we sat on the bed. Somehow, her short height against mine, and my arm on her back, brought her closer to me. She slowly, very carefully, ended up crying in the same way, any of my nieces or nephew would. "This is a disgrace", she said, "a body becoming so old".
After giving her a shower, (a feat easier said than done) she thanked me. I tried to make her laugh a bit by telling her a shower, not an apple a day is what takes doctors away. She looked confused but smiled. She felt so grateful and I felt so sad for her being so grateful after a shower.
As I was leaving, she asked me about the her nightmare she suddenly seemed to remember faintly. She asked me what was she doing as she was screaming, I described what I saw and she finally told me, "there was a man with a huge head and large hands, he was all covered in fur, I don't know if he was a wolf or a dog person, but he was over me, trying to do something to me. I was trying to push him away".
We laughed a bit, sat in silence and after a while she laughed again, "What a dream", a man covered in fur", then giggled.
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