Billy Holiday, You know what it means to miss New Orleans
No more angry stuff. When I read my anger it made me aware how hurt I was to be perceived in a wrong way. I don't know what it is, it's like since I've been in the US I have felt some kind of pressure to be correctly understood. Or most accurately, to avoid being misunderstood.
The best way I thought of expressing this is that I feel I have been living in a guest house for the past 5 years. Too careful not to scratch things, trying really hard to make a straight line. In my country I feel free in the sense that if I mess something up, I can be able to mend it, after all your land really belongs to you, you own it or own up to it.
I was hurt of being misperceived when I was striving to make a straight line. But there has been a lot of learning in the process. As usual, I'm trying to understand things. People in New Orleans know each other some direct or indirect way. Someone recently told me, "If you want to know who someone is here, ask who their momma is".
And they're probably right. I'm rootless in the US. They don't know me so speculation is all some people may have towards me. If I had to choose points of reference Scott Oman is my brother and Danielle Paciera is my sister. I lived for 2 years in Providence, RI and three, wow almost four here in New Orleans. I know people have been saying stuff about me because unfortunately I can hear them but I can't be everything they say I am.
As I said before, I can't live justifying my life to anyone. From all this experience what I've learned is that I have failed to socialize. I have succeeded in doing activities that require isolation. Whether I have been freelancing, jogging or biking or doing yoga or art, all these are done in a singular way. I never thought people would notice or even mind. What I will definitely get rid of and soon is of this apologetic way of living because to be honest, I've been trying to understand a place, not misjudge it, not seeing it from a distance or diss it, I've been diving into it the way I know, which maybe is not the usual way but is definitely not the wrong way either. This is a real relationship towards a place. But place is nothing without people.
As funny as this may sound, I'm a little tired of me being the subject of my blog. I will go back to my regular postings that hopefully will feed into my projects.
The best way I thought of expressing this is that I feel I have been living in a guest house for the past 5 years. Too careful not to scratch things, trying really hard to make a straight line. In my country I feel free in the sense that if I mess something up, I can be able to mend it, after all your land really belongs to you, you own it or own up to it.
I was hurt of being misperceived when I was striving to make a straight line. But there has been a lot of learning in the process. As usual, I'm trying to understand things. People in New Orleans know each other some direct or indirect way. Someone recently told me, "If you want to know who someone is here, ask who their momma is".
And they're probably right. I'm rootless in the US. They don't know me so speculation is all some people may have towards me. If I had to choose points of reference Scott Oman is my brother and Danielle Paciera is my sister. I lived for 2 years in Providence, RI and three, wow almost four here in New Orleans. I know people have been saying stuff about me because unfortunately I can hear them but I can't be everything they say I am.
As I said before, I can't live justifying my life to anyone. From all this experience what I've learned is that I have failed to socialize. I have succeeded in doing activities that require isolation. Whether I have been freelancing, jogging or biking or doing yoga or art, all these are done in a singular way. I never thought people would notice or even mind. What I will definitely get rid of and soon is of this apologetic way of living because to be honest, I've been trying to understand a place, not misjudge it, not seeing it from a distance or diss it, I've been diving into it the way I know, which maybe is not the usual way but is definitely not the wrong way either. This is a real relationship towards a place. But place is nothing without people.
As funny as this may sound, I'm a little tired of me being the subject of my blog. I will go back to my regular postings that hopefully will feed into my projects.
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