Kundalini NOgo
Today I went to a Kundalini Yoga class after my Pilates mainly because I heard it's an amazing experience. From all the yogas, Hatha is and always be the one I can most identify with, Ashtanga is too sweaty for me and air yoga was fun for a while.
So in I went. Remember Morla, the old, wise turtle in the Neverending Story? Well, all dressed in white, a strict Morla looked at all of us. "Please cover the mats with the blankets, everything must be white" she said.
Ohkeeeey I thought. Be open.
"First time right?" she asked.
"Yes", I replied and smiled.
"Notice the dress code for the next time" she said and the corners of her mouth kept a straight line.
"Ohhhhhh keeeeeeeey", I said.
"Please close your eyes and shrug your shoulders up and release them down" she said as she started a counter on her clock. At one point I got bored and opened my eyes. She was trying to connect her iPhone (unsuccessfully) to a small speaker where some chants could be somehow heard on a low volume: "Namahhhh..."
She looked up and stared at me. I kept looking at her and for a moment it became one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. She wanted me to close my eyes and go back to shrugging my shoulders, which I did, but very skeptically. I felt I had to do it or else... (dun dun dun).
Te tee teee teeet, the clock alarm liberated us from that movement. "Now please stand up and place the weigh of your body as an archer would do, one step forward and your arms as if you were holding an arch and about to release the arrow from it".
Nope. She did not say that, said my brain. Yet she did. And the look on her face reinforced the instructions, she seemed to say "NOW" as she started the counter on the clock again. I really want to apologize to what I'm about to say. I've been to creative workshops, venting and breathing experiments since I was 18, conductive whatevs but they were "that". For a moment I though this was more like Tai chi and tried to concentrate, because there is no way any of us, forty and over, could not look silly in this pose. Not even with the steady stream, mountainous background printed around the room. Sorry, nope. No need for hunters here, my food's already on the fridge.
"Focus your gaze on your thumb" she said. And all I could think was: Please let this be over.
It got a bit worse when we needed to vocalize two words I can't remember now. One when we breathed in and one when we breathed out. I just closed my eyes to avoid her look and moved my lips. The clock alarm easily became my best friend, it was the magical sound that got me out of a repetitive tyranny I never expected.
I know this discipline has a great number of followers. I know I should give it more than one chance. But to be completely honest, it's the solemn chakra thing that spoils the whole experience. It felt more like a rigid "have to" than a "welcome to" and that for me is a no no, turbans or not.
Ohkeeeey I thought. Be open.
"First time right?" she asked.
"Yes", I replied and smiled.
"Notice the dress code for the next time" she said and the corners of her mouth kept a straight line.
"Ohhhhhh keeeeeeeey", I said.
"Please close your eyes and shrug your shoulders up and release them down" she said as she started a counter on her clock. At one point I got bored and opened my eyes. She was trying to connect her iPhone (unsuccessfully) to a small speaker where some chants could be somehow heard on a low volume: "Namahhhh..."
She looked up and stared at me. I kept looking at her and for a moment it became one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. She wanted me to close my eyes and go back to shrugging my shoulders, which I did, but very skeptically. I felt I had to do it or else... (dun dun dun).
Te tee teee teeet, the clock alarm liberated us from that movement. "Now please stand up and place the weigh of your body as an archer would do, one step forward and your arms as if you were holding an arch and about to release the arrow from it".
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| Chivalry and fearlessness, inherent in this noble warrior stance, Physical stamina and strength in feet, thighs, and arms enhanced. Archer also puts pressure on the thigh bone, Balancing calcium, magnesium, potassium, and sodium. |
Nope. She did not say that, said my brain. Yet she did. And the look on her face reinforced the instructions, she seemed to say "NOW" as she started the counter on the clock again. I really want to apologize to what I'm about to say. I've been to creative workshops, venting and breathing experiments since I was 18, conductive whatevs but they were "that". For a moment I though this was more like Tai chi and tried to concentrate, because there is no way any of us, forty and over, could not look silly in this pose. Not even with the steady stream, mountainous background printed around the room. Sorry, nope. No need for hunters here, my food's already on the fridge.
"Focus your gaze on your thumb" she said. And all I could think was: Please let this be over.
It got a bit worse when we needed to vocalize two words I can't remember now. One when we breathed in and one when we breathed out. I just closed my eyes to avoid her look and moved my lips. The clock alarm easily became my best friend, it was the magical sound that got me out of a repetitive tyranny I never expected.
I know this discipline has a great number of followers. I know I should give it more than one chance. But to be completely honest, it's the solemn chakra thing that spoils the whole experience. It felt more like a rigid "have to" than a "welcome to" and that for me is a no no, turbans or not.
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