The Unbearable Agressiveness of Being

Yesterday I was coming back from my friend’s place after watching the Olympics. A girl and two guys were on the ferry. As I took my bike after the beautiful crossing of the Mississippi river at night, I turned to look at them briefly in acknowledgment I guess.. The girl rolled her eyes at me so I looked away. She then said out loud “Well, excuse me” in a tone of voice and way that took me by surprise. But then again, not so surprising after all, at least in the last few weeks.

I tried not to take it personal so I took off and went down my bike shaking that feeling away as I fled towards Esplanade but then from a car full of girls, one of them yelled “Fuck you!” then I heard laughter fading more and more as the car sped away.

I don’t know where this seemingly, almost collective wrath in New Orleans is coming from. I mean, the wrath, not where it might be coming from. Cold shoulders, conversations at coffee shops, getting wipe-washed or honked at by passing cars. 

It’s either the city becoming more aggressive or am I so vulnerable it feels that way?

Now New Orleans, don’t take this the wrong way, I’m from Mexico. I know what aggressiveness is. It’s a way of living as you push people at the subway, as it gets funny and even crazy at the supermarket when people are even rude with their little carts or even to it’s extreme manifestation as some of my friends unfortunately have been either mugged, held at gun-point or sequestered.

For almost three years and a half I knew New Orleans pointy teeth existed but nowadays I feel I’m experiencing them as I watch the news, as I roll down on the bike everywhere I go. Sad part I’m getting tired more than scared. I feel like I’m in the Beast’s mouth and although I rise in optimism every morning, I get these little attitudes that slam the Beast’s mouth shut and I feel terribly defeated when I come home at night.

At some point in time, it will be wise to seriously question why do I love a place that lately seems to hate me so much. At some point, it will be necessary to evaluate if this nurtures or molds the kind of work I do.

What I remember from Mexico is that environment does have an influence in your creativity. You spend so much time trying to protect yourself from possible aggression it starts hurting and warping your own personal attitude towards others. And sadly so, I think that is the unbearable part.